Why Is Seattle So Unfriendly? A Local’s Take on The City’s Icy Reputation

Article Summary: 

• Seattle is infamous for its unfriendly reputation, coined the Seattle Freeze.
• In my opinion, Seattleites are reserved and it’s not particularly easy to make friends, but the Freeze is part of what makes the city unique. 
• Seattle’s location and weather draw introverts, artistic types, and outdoor lovers who may differ from those in your hometown, but that’s part of traveling.  
• Embrace the Seattle way of life and engage locals by being the initiator, going outdoors, and perhaps by joining a Travel Lemming community meet-up. 

“Why are Seattleites so unfriendly?” is a question that gets asked often. It’s basically a rite of passage for transplants and a routine talking point for people who have never set foot in the city.

The question makes its rounds online. You can scroll quite a while through people asking, answering, and arguing about it on Quora and Reddit. You can also find plenty of articles puzzling over Seattleites and their aloofness in the opinion columns of various news outlets.

One thing seems obvious: Seattle is almost as famous for its icy reputation as it is for its rain.

A lot of people shrug it off, pointing to the classic explanation: it’s because of the Seattle Freeze.

Others take this and run with it, coming to the harsh conclusion that “Seattle is a hotbed of social sickness masked by the stilted constructs of minimal civility.” 

Ouch, but okay.

Here’s the thing: I’ve been living in Seattle for nearly 15 years and was genuinely surprised when I first learned about the city’s reputation. 

Interactions I’ve had with locals never stood out to me as exceptionally unfriendly compared to interactions in other cities I’ve lived in. Some people are odd, sure, but they’re also kind in ways I find quite charming. 

I don’t agree that Seattleites are unfriendly.

No, I’m not saying we’re the friendliest bunch. You want unabashed, in-your-face friendliness? Go to New Orleans. On my first visit there, the welcome was so potent that it practically knocked me off my feet when I stepped off the plane. 

Do I get nearly the amount of warmth, eye contact, and delightful greetings from strangers anytime I return to Seattle? Absolutely not.

But here’s my question: is that really a bad thing? I don’t think it is, and I’ll walk you through why.

Let’s begin by asking the question most newcomers do – what’s up with the Seattle Freeze? 

Breaking Down The Seattle Freeze

We can’t discuss Seattle’s perceived unfriendliness without looking at the Seattle Freeze. There are countless articles examining the Freeze, spurred on by the 2005 Seattle Times article that coined the term. 

Many people have tried to distill and explain why the Seattle Freeze is a thing in the first place. The city’s Nordic roots, history of segregation, and bounty of tech workers are all fairly common explanations.

So I’ll keep this succinct. 

The Seattle Freeze describes the seemingly cold reception newcomers receive when visiting or moving to the city. It describes the difficulty in making friends because everyone already has their own. It describes the typical attitudes of locals: reserved, uninterested, noncommittal, antisocial. Passive aggressive to a fault. Polite, but not welcoming. 

And, most annoyingly for transplants, it describes the idea that if you ask a Seattleite to “hang out sometime”… that hangout will never actually happen.

Look, I’m not going to lie to you. There’s truth to some of this. Seattleites are reserved. People do often have trouble making friends when they move here. And I’ve been on both ends of the “let’s hang out sometime” remark (…I should probably follow up on those plans). 

It seems to me that a lot of people regard the Seattle Freeze as a new phenomenon, but the concept of the Freeze has been around for over 100 years. It’s probably not going away anytime soon. 

The most common response to this is that Seattleites need to change. We need to be more open, more welcoming, more like other places where people are nice.  Most people frame the Seattle Freeze in a negative light. It equates to Seattle being a miserable place to have a social life, meet people, or live, right? 

I don’t think that’s the case, and I don’t think the Seattle Freeze needs to be fixed. Why?

Because the Seattle Freeze is not a defect – it’s part of what makes Seattle unique.

When people talk about the Freeze, they usually focus on the negative – primarily that Seattle lacks the same social graces as the places where they grew up. In doing this, they disregard the positive ways the Freeze makes Seattle, well… Seattle. 

Think about it. Seattle is the northwesternmost state in the contiguous USA. This means it’s largely isolated from many of the most populous states in the country. 

The city’s climate – rain, clouds, fog – has us huddled up at home for most of the year exploring our interests, hobbies, and creative pursuits. The surrounding nature means when it’s warm out, most people strap on their hiking boots and run to the forests to recharge. 

Think about the type of person this city attracts. It’s probably not the most extroverted or loquacious. Seattle was practically made for people who feel comfortable being alone, artistic types, and outdoor lovers who decorate their Subarus with “the mountains are calling” stickers.

This isolation, the tendency to “hibernate” in the darker months, and the desire to escape to nature at the first sign of sunlight are all reasons for and side-effects of the Seattle Freeze. And these are all things Seattleites love about their city.

Still convinced Seattle has a problem? Let me put it this way.

Would you go to the South and complain about people being overly friendly and chatty, knowing its reputation for Southern hospitality?

Would you go to New York City and complain about the residents being fast-paced and on the go, knowing it’s part of the buzzing atmosphere of that major city?

Would you ask Midwesterners to stop being nice? Or ask Southern Californians to be less laidback?

Sure, these are all generalized assumptions about people in these places. But so is the assumption that Seattleites are unfriendly. 

And if you answered no to those questions… why ask Seattleites to change?

The Seattle Way of Life and What to Expect in Rain City

The Seattle Freeze is part of Seattle whether you like it or not. I believe the best way to approach it is not to grow bitter against it, but to accept it. 

Once you do that, you’ll have space to understand the city’s residents and its culture. After all, if it was really that bad out here, Seattle wouldn’t be one of the fastest-growing cities in America, would it?

Seattle is dark, cloudy, gray, and rainy for much of the year. The city has more trees than people and more dogs than kids. All of these affect the moods, personalities, and interests of its residents. 

Look at some of the top things to do in Seattle, after all. 

People love spending time in cozy coffee shops on rainy days and sampling the latest and greatest IPAs at a myriad of local breweries. 

You’ll often find Seattleites off in the mountains and forests, going on nearby hikes that are as much a part of the Seattle experience as the rain. Board game cafes are full year-round. Tiny live music venues come alive with local bands. 

People meander through city parks and farmers markets in the morning and tip-toe to their favorite cocktail bars in the evening. They tend to extravagant gardens in the summer months, and love spending time with their favorite companions: their dogs.

Hiking. Coffee. Beer. Dogs. Simplified, these are part of the Seattle way of life. 

The city doesn’t have a hopping club scene, warm, beachy weather, or luxurious late-night parties. It does have eco-conscious, book-loving residents who have very strong opinions about the latest outdoor wear.

It’s true – Seattle isn’t known for being particularly social. Don’t expect to instantly be friends with a random person you speak with at the store. You’ll have to work a little harder than that. 

This might translate to loneliness for some people. But for others, it can be refreshing.

Introverts who value a bit of privacy will thrive here. You’ll thrive here if you hate small talk. You’ll thrive here if you’re passionate about some creative hobby and you want space to explore it. You’ll thrive here if you’re willing to initiate interesting conversations with people you find interesting without feeling owed their friendship from the get-go. 

Potential residents: invest in some vitamin D. Buy a happy light. Commit to going on walks and getting outside as often as you can all year to fight the winter blues. Try your best to see the beauty in all the rain (it’s why everything is so vibrant and green, after all). 

Seattle isn’t for everyone. But neither is Los Angeles. Neither is New York City or Chicago. That’s okay. After all, not everything or every place can be for everyone. 

But if you visit Seattle expecting it to be the same as what you know and feel dismayed when it’s not, you run the risk of missing what makes this city wonderful. 

And isn’t part of the beauty of travel learning to understand and appreciate people and places that are different from your hometown?

So come here with an open mind. Go out and meet some Seattleites. Give them time to warm up to you. I’m confident that they will.

That brings me to my next point, the question that bewilders the masses: how do you make friends in Seattle?

The Antifreeze (AKA How to Make Friends in Seattle)

Seattleites can be chatty. You just have to find the right topics, be in the right situations, and have reasonable expectations. 

Here are a few simple ways to get those conversations rolling:

Be the Initiator

I can’t say if this is true just for Seattle, or if it rings true for adult friendships in general. But you have to be willing to initiate conversations if you want friends. This is especially true in an introverted city like Seattle.

I’m not saying you won’t run into an overly friendly person who will suck you up into their friend group… but I am saying you probably shouldn’t wait around for that person, especially not here.

Go Outdoors

This is the third time I’m mentioning Seattle and the outdoors because it’s true. Not all Seattleites are outdoorsy, but Seattle is an outdoorsy city. 

Join hiking groups, running clubs, mushroom foraging classes, and other activities revolving around the outdoors to find people willing to break the ice with you. I’m a fan of Gearhouse (part gear rental shop and part outdoor adventure social club) which makes it super easy to get involved.

Have a Dog

It seems like I’ve become much more interesting to everyone since rescuing a dog. People in Seattle are crazy about their dogs. A super easy way to start a conversation is to ask someone about their pup.

You can do this on the street, but there are several dog-centric meet-up spaces if you want to strike up a conversation that will last longer. It may even turn into an exchange of numbers if you’re lucky. Dog Yard Bar in Ballard is one of my favorites.

Wait Till Summer

The majority of Seattleites are in much better moods in the summertime. What can we say – it’s when we get all of our vitamin D. These good moods mean it’s much easier to converse and find people to do it with. 

Go to festivals, frequent outdoor patios, try yoga in the park events, or kayaking classes. With the days bright until well after 9 pm and the weather pretty much perfect, you’ll be hard-pressed to find a Seattleite who won’t speak with you.

Come Here as a Student

Coming to Seattle as a student is one of the easiest ways to make friends. I made a lot of my initial Seattle friendships as a college student. After all, when you come as a new student, everyone around you is in the same position. This makes it incredibly easy to find some common ground.

Go to a Travel Lemming Meet-Up

Still not sure how to make friends in Seattle? Here’s a surefire way: attend one of our Travel Lemming Community Meet-Ups, the perfect way to meet other travel-minded folks. 

Sign up for our next Seattle meetup here! I’ll be there hosting, too, so boom. You already have a new Seattle friend.

Listen to My Seattle Podcast Episode

Looking for more tips on visiting Seattle on a budget? Check out Episode 7 of the Travel Lemming Podcast. Betty and I discuss budgeting for Seattle accommodation & more. You can watch the YouTube video below or listen to it on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.

***

Seattle may not be the most social city, but it’s not an unfriendly one. I think that’s the key difference. 

The Seattle Freeze doesn’t mean Seattleites will never warm up to you. It just means you should probably give them a little time. Many of us are shy and introverted and, sure, some of us are a little socially challenged. But we’re not unfriendly. Promise.

And seriously, if you’re just desperate to get a conversation going, ask someone a few questions about their dog. That’ll get them talking.

Next up, see my article on why I adore the rainy season in Washington. If you’re doubtful, read the article!