French manners surprise Americans. Here’s what to do (and avoid) on your trip.

What’s polite in France and what’s polite in the United States aren’t always the same thing.

When I threw my first dinner party here, my heart sank when 8 pm came around and not a single guest had shown up. At 8:05, my buzzer rang.

“I’m so sorry to be this early,” my friend Charles said, “but the metro was quicker than I thought and I’ve already walked around the block twice.”

For him, showing up at exactly 8 was rude because it risked catching the host too early.” Sure enough, everyone else arrived between 8:15 and 8:20.

That was when I started to wonder: is the French reputation for rudeness more about cultural misunderstandings?

In the years since then, I’ve concluded this is the case. So here’s what you need to know about French manners to make your next trip as pleasant as possible!

General French Manners

Tip 1-2 euros for smaller services

Unlike in the United States, it’s not necessary to tip a certain percentage for a taxi ride, food delivery, or a manicurist. Larger euro coins are enough. 

Always close doors behind you—in public, but especially in private. And don’t open closed doors unless necessary!

The French close doors to keep people out of those spaces. When French friends first visit my apartment, I make sure to keep the living room door open. Otherwise, they will stay in my entryway until instructed otherwise!

Show up on time for a reservation but slightly late to someone’s house

Punctuality is a virtue when it comes to businesses, including restaurants. You may lose your slot if you’re late. But when coming to someone’s house, it’s polite to be 10-15 minutes late to give them time to prepare.

Don’t be afraid to ask someone to repeat what they said or for clarification

I used to be terrified of asking people to repeat themselves, especially more than once. But it’s a normal thing to ask, even among the French.

Tip building managers at the end of your stay if they were helpful

Many Parisian apartment buildings have “guardiennes,” who function as live-in building managers. If yours has been particularly helpful, it’s nice but not required to leave a note and ten or twenty euros in their mailbox at the end of your stay. Don’t tip for individual services as they occur, though.

French Language Manners

Learn enough French vocabulary to transition politely into English

It’s definitely okay not to be fluent in French when you come to the country. But people will be offended if you just speak English right off the bat.

Instead, begin conversations with, “Bonjour. Parlez-vous anglais?”

Always say “bonjour” and “au revoir” to anybody you come into contact with

You’d probably be pretty surprised if someone just came up to you and started speaking in another language. Or, if they just turned and walked away when they finished talking! Don’t forget small formalities.

Use the formal “vous” instead of the informal “tu” to address everyone except children and dogs until invited to do otherwise

If you already know some French, default to the formal “vous” for “you” unless you’re with a close friend, an animal, or a child.

Don’t assume someone speaks English, particularly outside of big cities and the service industry

Many French people do speak English, but it’s jarring to have someone approach you directly in a foreign language. Always ask if they speak English first.

Use “pardon” or “excusez-moi” when bumping into people or getting someone’s attention

Generally, “pardon” is for lesser offenses, like elbowing your way through a crowd. “Excusez-moi” is for slightly more serious things, like stepping on someone’s foot.

Add “Madame” or “Monsieur” to your hello for extra politeness and to show respect

“Madame” and “Monsieur” are the equivalent of “Ma’am” and “Sir” in English, and you can use them in similar scenarios.

French Manners in Restaurants

Tip around 10% for most services, including at restaurants

Iris, a server at the Royal Turenne restaurant in the Marais, says that her goal is to make sure everyone has a good time—she doesn’t expect a tip.

But when I pressed her, she noted that for a larger meal, the French usually tip 3-5 euros, the British around 10 euros, and Americans around 10%. Any of these amounts is fine.

Don’t camp out with a computer all day without continuously ordering—and sometimes not even then

Not all Paris restaurants welcome remote workers. If it’s your first time, ask a waiter if you can work there. They will likely say yes unless it’s a peak time. Be sure to order at least one thing (even a coffee) per hour.

Realize you have to ask for the check, but do it politely

Unlike in the U.S., where the server will bring the check by after enough time has passed, realize that you need to ask for the check in France. However, do it politely with a gesture, a call of “excusez-moi,” or by finding your server. 

The word “garçon” (meaning “boy”), by the way, is not polite, despite how often it appears in movies. French adults like being called this about as much as their American counterparts would.

Don’t hesitate to ask for translations of menu items

After ten years in France, there are still menu items that baffle me. These are usually types of seafood or parts of an animal I don’t want to eat. Some aren’t even in my dictionary app!

Don’t hesitate to ask the server what these mean. I do it all the time, and they are never ruffled.

Don’t ask for major menu modifications or “doggie bags”

What you see is (more or less) what you get in France. And you get it for here, not for later. With that said, I have occasionally asked for a to-go box at more casual places. I wouldn’t risk it at a Michelin-starred restaurant, though.

Prepare for smokers on the terrace; asking someone to stop is very rude

A large part of the French population smokes. The law forbids them from doing it inside restaurants, so they dominate terraces.

If smoke bothers you, take a table inside. If you still want to be on the terrace, the front or back row (depending on where the smokers are) is your best bet for avoiding smoke. 

Be polite with your server but let them determine the level of formality; they take their jobs seriously

Just as in the United States, some servers don’t have the time or energy to make conversation with all customers. Don’t take it personally. And always use “vous.”

Be patient with how quickly food comes, but pay close attention to how long it takes to get a menu

It takes as long as it takes to cook something—this isn’t necessarily a reflection of the service at a restaurant. But if you sit for more than ten minutes without receiving a menu, it’s time to go.

French Manners in Social Situations

Plan for cheek kisses with friends and acquaintances—but know that a handshake suffices

Double kisses are for friends or even acquaintances, including those you’re just meeting. But they’re never used in service situations! 

A person you’re meeting may offer a handshake instead—or you may preempt the double kisses by offering your hand first (the French know others don’t do this naturally!).

Don’t take debates personally—there’s a national love of playing “devil’s advocate”

Debating seems to be a national hobby in France. People may argue positions they don’t even personally hold just for intellectual exercise. Feel free to excuse yourself from upsetting conversations, though.

Avoid small talk in favor of more specific topics

In general, the French consider small talk vapid and unnecessary. This also goes for smiling. Silence is OK and better than small talk, no matter how uncomfortable it may make you feel! 

Prepare for a pre-arranged seating plan that requires you to sit apart from your partner

For a formal French dinner party, you will not be with your significant other. The one exception is if you’ve been together less than a year and the host is old-fashioned.

Don’t bring wine to someone else’s house unless you’re invited to an “apéro”

Bringing wine to dinner implies that you expect the host to serve it. In other words, you don’t think they have good taste in wine. Bring flowers instead.

The exception is if someone invites you to an “apéro” (a pre-dinner drink) at their house. If you’re unsure, ask if you can bring anything.

Don’t talk about money to the point of avoiding asking about others’ careers

Even asking what someone does for work can be interpreted as trying to figure out how much they earn. This is especially true for Americans; the national stereotype is that we are money-obsessed and struggle with work-life balance.

Universal French Manners

Emily Post once said that manners exist to make people more comfortable. And so some manners apply both to France and the US. Hold the door for the person behind you, give your seat up to older or pregnant people on public transportation, and use forks from the outside in. 

Just try your best, and everything will go well!

French Manners in a Nutshell

That’s a lot to take in, but don’t stress too much—the main thing is to make an effort. Think about how you’d treat a visitor to your hometown and how they should act to get that response from you. And when in doubt, you can always ask!

What have your experiences with French manners been like? Worried about a particular experience on an upcoming trip? Tell me in the comments!

Don’t just take French advice from me, though! My sister came to Paris for the first-time and had insights for other first-time visitors as well.